i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
