apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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