i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
