Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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