How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
