Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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