I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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