i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
