Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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