So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
