she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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