In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think your dad took our porno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
