I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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