I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
