You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
