I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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