did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
