u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
