I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
