Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
