Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
