I could make wine with my vomit
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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