so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
