i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
