you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
