hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
