Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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