I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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