This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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