Someone shit on the floor
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
