just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
