ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
