You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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