96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
