i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I AM VODKA MAN
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
