well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
