I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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