Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
