one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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