did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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