At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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