from now on my penis is your penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
