I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
