Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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