Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
