the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
