Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
