he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
