If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
