So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
