You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
