Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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