this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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