The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
