Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
