Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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