You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
