I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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