i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
