Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
