Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
