i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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