I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
