Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
