I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize