I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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