sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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