why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
